In the Ruins

Your ghost is alive in my head
Feeding on anything resembling a memory
Of things that never were
Words and feelings of an imaginary life
When all is as it should be
And, for a moment, was
I do not believe in regret
Which is how I found you
And how I lost you

You’ve ruined me
All of you
With poetry and dreams and promises
With angelic faces and sinful bodies
With laughter and conversation
With honesty and tears
With hope

My heart lies in pieces somewhere
Halved, then halved, then halved
Auctioned off
Handed out
Stolen
Stomped on
Dropped
Discarded
Hidden
You each claim a piece as your own
And now there is nothing left

If love weren’t so cruel
Perhaps I could forget
The sound of you sleeping
A perfect hand beside my face
Fingers slightly bent
A single curl twirled around your finger
The rise and fall of you breathing
In my own created memory
You were mine
You were mine

Oh, to be the pillow you rest your head on
Just once
It seemed too much to ask of you
So I never did
I never said so many things
Things I will never say
I screamed the words with my eyes
And with my heart
And with everything else I am
And I gave these things to you
My words fell on deaf ears
My kisses on deaf skin
And I am a heart that beats no more

~ by acrichards on May 2, 2010.

5 Responses to “In the Ruins”

  1. That is so haunting and beautiful. Hang in there and keep getting the words out. You will start to heal no matter how ruined you feel right now.

  2. you have never put in writing so well the words you speak… even when all you do is sigh… beautiful

  3. I keep reading your writing and can’t help but to try and understand the pain and frustration you went through.. It is almost like you couldn’t express what you wanted in that time frame

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