I am a pretty piece of flesh
Your delicate hands shaping my desire
You wear your title well, my Muse
But it is you I wish to inspire
A Musing
•March 23, 2011 • Leave a CommentStill
•September 23, 2010 • 3 CommentsHere I am
Standing listless
Breathless
On the edge of an experience
Shared by too few
Am I dreaming?
Lying perfectly still
Caught in this silent moment
Before waking
Sleepy-eyed and conscious
My mind floundering
On the brink of an epiphany
Regarding life
Regarding love
Dismissing the trend to be cynical
Oh how easily they slip into this place
The lonely
The jaded
The underwhelmed
Believing there is nothing more
I know nothing
Therefore
My ignorance is my bliss
My hope is unwavering
And you
You are the light
In my darkness
Still
Nameless
•September 7, 2010 • 5 CommentsLet me dance
In the flame of your desire
You
Whomever you may be
It only takes a glance
A smile
An invitation from your lips
I accept, my love
Words
Mere whispers that stretch far beyond the confines of this heart
Or any heart, for that matter
But it does not matter
To anyone but me
I have been waiting for you in a dream
In silent slumber waking
Alone
They do not know who you are
Nor do I
Yet
I must hold on to yet
I know only this
I feel you in my silent ache
In my darkness
In the place where hope is almost lost
Almost
I will search for you
Until the last breath leaves my soul
And I fall
With an outstretched hand
Reaching
For your nameless face
Lies
•August 22, 2010 • 7 CommentsYou speak a most familiar language
Gilded words from a stolen tongue
I will not pretend to know what this is
You and I
I am trying to be strong
But you know I am weak
And I know you are willing
Willingness is nearly impossible to ignore
I stand by my resolve
You will not break me
You will not seduce me
I am not yours
Deceit is a demanding lover
There is no room for me
In a heart that denies its own reflection
I see you as you are
You take your lies to bed, Dear One
In your darkness
Clinging to a tear-stained pillow
Wishing it were me
Bloodletting
•July 13, 2010 • 2 CommentsI will not bleed for you
You are but a scratch
On my inner thigh.
A wound no longer deep
Once carved in sorrow
Scarred edges
Stretching over time
Into smooth white lines
I barely feel you anymore
Only when I wake
Or sleep
Or breathe
Or cross my legs
And squeeze tight to feel your sting
Through folds of fabric
Friction and heat
This, my dull, throbbing ache
My heart is my own worst enemy
What a useless organ
Defenseless and weak
It will not forget
Every word, every word
How gently you held it in your hands
Squeezing out its last drop
Whispering
This won’t hurt a bit
In the Ruins
•May 2, 2010 • 5 CommentsYour ghost is alive in my head
Feeding on anything resembling a memory
Of things that never were
Words and feelings of an imaginary life
When all is as it should be
And, for a moment, was
I do not believe in regret
Which is how I found you
And how I lost you
You’ve ruined me
All of you
With poetry and dreams and promises
With angelic faces and sinful bodies
With laughter and conversation
With honesty and tears
With hope
My heart lies in pieces somewhere
Halved, then halved, then halved
Auctioned off
Handed out
Stolen
Stomped on
Dropped
Discarded
Hidden
You each claim a piece as your own
And now there is nothing left
If love weren’t so cruel
Perhaps I could forget
The sound of you sleeping
A perfect hand beside my face
Fingers slightly bent
A single curl twirled around your finger
The rise and fall of you breathing
In my own created memory
You were mine
You were mine
Oh, to be the pillow you rest your head on
Just once
It seemed too much to ask of you
So I never did
I never said so many things
Things I will never say
I screamed the words with my eyes
And with my heart
And with everything else I am
And I gave these things to you
My words fell on deaf ears
My kisses on deaf skin
And I am a heart that beats no more
My Affliction
•February 6, 2010 • 11 CommentsMy soul collided with the barricade around your heart
Face pressed against plated glass
Waiting
Knocking
Pacing
You, sleeping soundly as you do
In this place
Where I am restless
Discontent
Awake and alone in my suffering
Shards of silence tear through my flesh
Piercing my heart
Bleeding a red trail of my affection
My offering
This price I pay to feel again
This time spent on tears and blood and words
This love is costing all of me
You are all I know
You are all I feel
There is no relief
There is only this place
Where I stand screaming
But you cannot hear me
And I cannot touch you
Love, Parting From Our Lips
•January 14, 2010 • 2 CommentsWe stand outside in freezing air
Exhaling tiny clouds that slowly drift together
Mingling
Becoming one
It lingers for a while
Then disappears
The moment your lips touch mine
Her Reflection in Tears
•January 3, 2010 • 9 CommentsBlood Moon
•December 6, 2009 • 2 CommentsCover the stars
Blot out the moon
As if my grief were not enough for you
Every night you appear
And I wake with a fresh wound
You haunt me
Casting shadows in my soul
Staring at me mockingly
While I lie awake
Unable to avert my eyes
Afraid they may never close again
Away harrowing moon!
My eyes are as heavy as my heart
Leave me in my darkness
Let me rest in peace
Let me find my sleep
Let me dare to dream
I Came Tumbling After
•November 25, 2009 • 2 CommentsAm I the one always falling down?
Stumbling blindly over an out-stretched heart
An obstacle of some sort
A woman
I pay no attention to where I land
What damage I may cause
Irreversible
Permanent
I tend only to my wounds
Skinned hand and knees
Bruised ego:
Look at me
Look at what you have done
I’m broken
Are you listening?
I find my footing and I rise
Searching for you
In your sadness
In your silence
In the dark
You cry out for help from far away
Still lying where I left you…
In pieces
I ask myself
Am I the one always falling down?
Or am I the one doing the pushing?
My Heart Unravels
•November 15, 2009 • 3 CommentsEven my words have abandoned me
Unmoved by my silence
Unaware of my presence
You walk away
My cruel, taunting little words
Tethered to your feet
Bound by the only thread
Holding my stitches in place
Oh how I wish you would glance back
If only just to watch as I unravel
Unabridged
•November 12, 2009 • 2 CommentsHow do we choose the bits and pieces of ourselves
We wish to reveal to others?
Do we come pre-packaged like a demo?
Shrink-wrapped and labeled
Ready to be handed out to anyone asking for a copy
Or do we finger through our stack of vinyls
Looking for a rare recording
I think my love is a handwritten manuscript
A thousand pages long with no ending yet written
Some have thumbed through the pages,
Others left notes in the margins
No one has carefully read each and every word
There is only one copy, my love,
And I give it to you
Et Je Meurs
•November 10, 2009 • 1 CommentWords
Words are all I have left
A babbling stream of delusional consciousness
Pouring from my lips
Spilling red onto lined paper
The damp stains of my last confession
My heart was lost before the ink began to dry
How deeply words penetrate the willing flesh
Of those who seek solace in torment
Skin marred by the thorns of tangled love
A splinter from a fractured thought
That won’t work its way to the surface
And I die every time
The sun melts the color of the sky
Love is a seed firmly planted in my soul
Fertile and swelling
Waiting to erupt
From your next breath
Someday
•November 1, 2009 • 5 CommentsI dream of you
Just as a bird with broken wings dreams of flight
With such anticipation and yearning for…
Someday
When the world is as it should be
When the tears that stained my cheek last night
Become tomorrow morning kisses
When the only trouble on my mind
Is finding the words to describe
The exact color of your eyes
Wax
•October 25, 2009 • Leave a CommentShe flickers in the darkness
I take a step forward
Blood boiling in her presence
Heart stops beating from the heat
Waxen fingers melting on her flesh
I would give my limbs, my life
For one real touch…
What cruel world is this
Where I am made of wax,
And you, my love,
Are a flame
Not Kansas
•October 25, 2009 • Leave a CommentShe’s crawling through my jealousy
And breaks for a price tag
More than I can spend
For name brand love on clearance
Marked and going down
Going down
Sign says repent
For what?
My life my love my lust
It seems the road less traveled is offering tours
I want no part of these site-seers
Who think that for a small fee
They can be like me
Then go home and still walk the straight and narrow
After swallowing the blue pill
This is not Topeka baby
So she takes off her shoes and stays a while
While I make her a drink
What’s your poison?
There is blood in my eyes
And there are tears in my heart
Twisted, turning my head inside out
She comes to mind when I paint my toes
Black or blue or blood red
What should I expect for unlocking Pandora’s box
And climbing inside
Into the Accidental
•October 22, 2009 • Leave a CommentOh Little One
With your grey eyes and pink pout
This is not what you think it is
You are only a shadow of a person
Tiny fingers cannot fill the impression left by another
Perfect hands have already set in the cement
Your words bleed red on paper only you can see
An idealized assumption
That we made a wish on the same star
Or even gazed at the same night sky
Your eyes bend the light to create the reflection
You want to see
It’s your voice you hear in the echo
When you whisper my name
You shackled yourself at my feet
I merely hid the key
A Deconstruction of Feeling
•October 19, 2009 • 2 CommentsThe Guilt:
My soul is feeding on the gravity of consequence
Eyes sewn shut
Mouthing words as loud as screams
Whispers only you can hear
Impending corruption from within
A summer obsession disguised as love
Unmasked—my heart still cannot tell the difference
Real is what I say is real
Emotions with no place to call home
Moments of darkness creep in snuffing out the light
The blind leading the deaf in a twisted game of Marco—
No one answers
I need to decompress
Stop my bleeding heart
Stop my maddening silence
Take a deep breath…and
Scream
The Submission:
Memories impede my heart’s recovery
Both sweet and strange at once
A grab bag of emotion
Hands reach in trying to hold on to just one
Bobbing for invisible apples
Hoping I don’t drown
Dizzy from holding my breath too long
I try to come up for air
But those hands are heavy on the back of my neck
Even though you released your grip—
I still cannot breathe
Drowning is peaceful once you submit
All color fades to red
They say sinking hearts will rise again
The Anger:
Promises made with cruel intent
Rules I cannot follow
Spirits and hearts both made to be broken
Alone I walk down a path you have abandoned
Desolate and dark
Fanning away decade old spider webs
The silence whispers ‘turn around’
But I cannot tell which direction I came from
There is no star to guide the way
So I will make this place my own
My silence
My whispers
My words
‘Now I lay me…’
Wait…there is something sticky in my hair
Oh what a tangled web indeed!
The Madness:
And then came the madness
Foggy fingers clawing through the folds of my mind
Peeling back each layer
Forcing the same thought
Over and over and over
My own Tell-Tale Heart
A record spinning on a turntable
Edith Piaf repeating those beautiful words
Skip after skip after skip
Et puis meure, mon amour
Dans tes yeux, mon amour
Dans tes bras, mon amour
This is madness
This is angst
This is mine
And this too shall pass
But I assure you I will not be the one who moves the needle
Tango
•October 17, 2009 • Leave a CommentIt takes two to tango
Who is she? Number 3?
Pay attention to the feet beneath your feet
And the heart that is in between.
You stomp on my toes as though my heart
Beats for you alone.
Palpitation—sort of hard with all the pressure of hot blood.
Eruption could be dangerous, involved, and messy.
I know you like the way things are—
Dirty mind and dirty mouth
It evens out between the sheets—
Or on the floor—
Or in the shower—
Steamy handprints on the wall
Cold tile on your ass making your nipples hard
Or do they harden from my touch
Water running down our bodies as we travel to our world
Where only we exist, as one.
The Concept of Summer
•October 17, 2009 • Leave a CommentMy mind is playing a deceitful game of hide-and-go-seek with my memory
I cannot recall the concept of summer while there is snow on the ground
Simultaneously falling and melting away
Winter is usually a mere pause between summers
A short breath between two long, hot sentences
Tomorrow will be normal for this time of year
By the time I wake, there will be no more trace of tonight’s white phenomenon
But standing here, trembling, with my mouth open
Letting flake after flake melt on my tongue,
I cannot recall the concept of summer
Not For Sale
•October 14, 2009 • Leave a CommentThe wheels of fate turn slowly
Creaking, searching for destined answers
Sometimes even more obvious
Than a protruding brow
Life—an empty billboard
Waiting for a subscriber
Remnants of past advertisers
Still leeching, tattered words—
Random and illogical
Spilled Scrabble pieces
Triple word points
Still not enough to win
Need a blank space for
R-E-A-L-I-T-Y
Fleece wearing thin around the heart
Too many overnight guests
Some unwanted
Some unpacked their bags
Mia Bella Musa
•October 13, 2009 • 1 CommentMy heart whispered its secrets in your ear last night
Words I cannot and will not rescind.
In prose it freely spoke of unabashed desire
However deficient or benign they may have been to you,
These words were all I had to give.
I do not regret this state my heart it in
Pierced by the sharpened tip of unrequited love.
I have been here before.
I am certain this time I will not recover.
I do not regret the pain
Or the awareness of my suffering.
My only regret is knowing that these words,
When safely tucked away in thought were mine
Aloud they belong to you
Where they sit, ignored,
On your nightstand
Collecting dust
The Knowing
•October 13, 2009 • 1 CommentI can taste her on my skin
Tangled sheets and hot blood
I watch her sleeping in perfect stillness
Like an hourglass on its side
Every breath slowly spilling sand
I trace her lines – shoulder to thigh
Body quivering as she takes in a deep breath
I hold mine.
It is impossible not to touch her
Knowing if I do, I’ll wake her
Knowing if I wake her, I can have her again
But I only watch her
Sleeping so quiet and lovely
I take pleasure in the knowing
And my heart knows that is all I need
Marked
•October 13, 2009 • 2 CommentsIdle talk between the sheets
Which hung around her waist
Like moss on a cypress tree
Fingers planted in my pool
Current flowing as I whisper
In her girl zone
She joined the club last night
I’ve been recruiting new members
Her mailbox was full of invitations
But this was her first
Respondez s’il vous plait
Lucky me
She now bears the mark
On her neck
On her breast
On her thigh
I stamped her hand
So she pays no cover charge
If she wants to come again
She would be more than willing
To trade her leather and stilettos
For flannel and army boots
Despite what some may think
We do not have a dress code
Quote Collage
•October 13, 2009 • Leave a CommentCrochet my heart with poisoned pride
As damned fools are who think in fear
And live and love in sin
Jester hearts betray with clenched fists of torment
But I cannot find myself amidst their taunting
‘Liar, Liar’
Remember happy moments
Those transformed from a yellow spot
Silence often tells the cruelest lies,
Those forced from pain, though innocent
Regret is unyielding to temptation
Or dreams devised unspoken
Life not fulfilled is life lost
The self must be created, thus
I, myself, am conquered
Anti-Hotel
•October 13, 2009 • Leave a CommentI recall my stay at the hotel anti-fabric softener
A vapid room of bed and chair and table and
Monochromatic décor
Of starched sheets, of steel wool washcloths
I am not a fan of trading skin
Mine now pinstriped red after bath
Alone in my darkness watching the polyester sunset
From a picture window that does not open
Almost certain death should the unfortunate occur
I am merely a sponge now against the
Blue velvet skyline unraveling
Wishing I were anywhere but here
Cast in life’s shadow
Alone with my magnolia depression
Staring into a vacuous mirror with tie-dyed eyes
And a gravel smile
Sans unfettered cotton candy dreams
No use crying over spilled ink
On paper trees
My dénouement
My reason for living
Or for whatever unreason—
I’m here
Why is this box so different?
Four eggshell walls, white ceiling, blue carpeted concrete floor
I can count the contents on both hands
Minus my contribution
Each passing moment reminds me of how boring
This room is
This life is
This poem is
This…
Mystery (Her Name Is)
•October 12, 2009 • Leave a CommentShe came from the East
Hot breath on the back of my neck
The strange kiss of death
Long and sweet
A voice whispered low
And flowed like a handful of ancient dust
“Are you prepared to go?”
I cried out, “If I must, I must.”
She wore a burial shroud and veil
Both black as the night
Reached out her hand, slender and pale
And I released my hold on life
Man has said for many years
“Life’s only mystery is death,” indeed,
As I embraced her without fear
My hollowed skin and bones agreed.
Driftwood
•October 12, 2009 • Leave a CommentShe rolls with the tide
Like driftwood
Floating around in the ocean
Always changing
Always moving
Highs and lows
Unsatisfied with never finding the shore
She thinks she’s drowning
I think she walks on water
I hope that one day I find her
Resting in the sand on my beach