A Musing

I am a pretty piece of flesh
Your delicate hands shaping my desire
You wear your title well, my Muse
But it is you I wish to inspire

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Still

Here I am
Standing listless
Breathless
On the edge of an experience
Shared by too few

Am I dreaming?
Lying perfectly still
Caught in this silent moment
Before waking
Sleepy-eyed and conscious
My mind floundering
On the brink of an epiphany
Regarding life
Regarding love
Dismissing the trend to be cynical

Oh how easily they slip into this place
The lonely
The jaded
The underwhelmed
Believing there is nothing more

I know nothing
Therefore
My ignorance is my bliss
My hope is unwavering

And you
You are the light
In my darkness
Still

Nameless

Let me dance
In the flame of your desire
You
Whomever you may be
It only takes a glance
A smile
An invitation from your lips
I accept, my love

Words
Mere whispers that stretch far beyond the confines of this heart
Or any heart, for that matter
But it does not matter
To anyone but me

I have been waiting for you in a dream
In silent slumber waking
Alone
They do not know who you are
Nor do I
Yet
I must hold on to yet

I know only this
I feel you in my silent ache
In my darkness
In the place where hope is almost lost
Almost

I will search for you
Until the last breath leaves my soul
And I fall
With an outstretched hand
Reaching
For your nameless face

Lies

You speak a most familiar language
Gilded words from a stolen tongue
I will not pretend to know what this is
You and I

I am trying to be strong
But you know I am weak
And I know you are willing
Willingness is nearly impossible to ignore

I stand by my resolve
You will not break me
You will not seduce me
I am not yours

Deceit is a demanding lover
There is no room for me
In a heart that denies its own reflection
I see you as you are

You take your lies to bed, Dear One
In your darkness
Clinging to a tear-stained pillow
Wishing it were me

Bloodletting

I will not bleed for you
You are but a scratch
On my inner thigh.
A wound no longer deep
Once carved in sorrow
Scarred edges
Stretching over time
Into smooth white lines
I barely feel you anymore
Only when I wake
Or sleep
Or breathe
Or cross my legs
And squeeze tight to feel your sting
Through folds of fabric
Friction and heat
This, my dull, throbbing ache

My heart is my own worst enemy
What a useless organ
Defenseless and weak
It will not forget
Every word, every word
How gently you held it in your hands
Squeezing out its last drop
Whispering
This won’t hurt a bit

In the Ruins

Your ghost is alive in my head
Feeding on anything resembling a memory
Of things that never were
Words and feelings of an imaginary life
When all is as it should be
And, for a moment, was
I do not believe in regret
Which is how I found you
And how I lost you

You’ve ruined me
All of you
With poetry and dreams and promises
With angelic faces and sinful bodies
With laughter and conversation
With honesty and tears
With hope

My heart lies in pieces somewhere
Halved, then halved, then halved
Auctioned off
Handed out
Stolen
Stomped on
Dropped
Discarded
Hidden
You each claim a piece as your own
And now there is nothing left

If love weren’t so cruel
Perhaps I could forget
The sound of you sleeping
A perfect hand beside my face
Fingers slightly bent
A single curl twirled around your finger
The rise and fall of you breathing
In my own created memory
You were mine
You were mine

Oh, to be the pillow you rest your head on
Just once
It seemed too much to ask of you
So I never did
I never said so many things
Things I will never say
I screamed the words with my eyes
And with my heart
And with everything else I am
And I gave these things to you
My words fell on deaf ears
My kisses on deaf skin
And I am a heart that beats no more

My Affliction

My soul collided with the barricade around your heart

Face pressed against plated glass

Waiting

Knocking

Pacing

You, sleeping soundly as you do

In this place

Where I am restless

Discontent

Awake and alone in my suffering

Shards of silence tear through my flesh

Piercing my heart

Bleeding a red trail of my affection

My offering

This price I pay to feel again

This time spent on tears and blood and words

This love is costing all of me

You are all I know

You are all I feel

There is no relief

There is only this place

Where I stand screaming

But you cannot hear me

And I cannot touch you